I'm exhausted. It's been a long day. If you read my Facebook updates, then you already know what we've been doing all day (and you more than likely do, because how else would you get here?). But for the sake of good record keeping (?), I'll review our day one more time, because the content of said day has compelled me to blog today, which would make twice in one week, which is unheard of for me.
I've been quietly panicking for the last two weeks about all that we still needed to do before the baby gets here. I'm officially 30 weeks today, leaving just 10 weeks until she's here, assuming I go to 40 weeks (you're welcome for the complicated math). 10 weeks, when it stands alone, sounds like plenty of time to get lots done. But, in my head, I kept turning it into 10 weekends, which isn't that long at all. We work all week, and on the weekends, we tend to the bigger weekly chores like yard work, laundry, deep cleaning, etc... plus we have birthday parties and dinners, blah, blah, blah... basically 10 weekends started to sound VERY scary to me. So I nagged until he had to convinced Josh that we had to start/ finish both girls' rooms NOW. And so we set aside today to knock out several of the big projects. Just to ensure that it was definitely going to happen today, I bought everything we needed for said projects ahead of time. My husband is the king of starting a project, realizing we need something for it, and taking a 2 hour trip to Lowe's before the first nail is even hammered. I made sure that was not going to happen today. His mom picked up Sofia bright and early, I turned up Pandora, and we got down to business. We had to start by cleaning out Sofia's room. I was not emotional about this at all, as the task seemed slightly overwhelming. We put ALL of her stuff in our room and the new nursery. As I'm organizing/ cleaning in our room, Josh started taking down her crib. I took one look in her room and the broken down crib and started bawling. It wasn't like the ugly, hyperventilating type of cry. But it was the I'm pregnant and I couldn't stop if I wanted to type. I felt so bad for taking her comfort crib away. Especially behind her back... like I decided to change her world, and didn't even have the decency to discuss it with her, or let her be part of the process (hormones can be a real bitch, right?). But then I got over it, and we kept on trucking.
We decided to go ahead and reconstruct the crib in the new nursery right away. I hung around to help him with this part. We left the lights off because the room faces East and it was sunny this morning. I don't want to reveal too much about the room because that's coming up soon, but I will say that it's yellow. Bright and sunny. And I will also say that there are white sheer curtains (kind of my signature design move) in the window.
Last night, through a series of (accidental) cyber-stalking research, I found out that an old friend of mine (that I don't speak to anymore) was pregnant and due just days after I am. To make a long story short, she had the baby (very prematurely) and lost him 5 days later. It is sticking with me. I was given a 50/50 chance to have a viable pregnancy with both girls. So far, I have one extremely healthy and bright 21 month old and a completely normal and flourishing 30 week pregnancy under my belt. My friend that writes this incredible blog is writing about luck this month. She ponders if it really exists or if it's something that we arrive at through a series of our own actions.
So, as my husband and I quietly put together our first baby's crib, in our new baby's beautiful room, with the morning sunlight streaming through those white sheer curtains, Pandora chooses that moment to play Rufus Wainwright's version of Hallelujah (seen at the bottom of this post- if you haven't heard it, listen, it's beautiful). And the tears were flowing again. I felt so grateful and so sad for my friends that have tried/ are trying to have what has come so easy for us.
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